thoughts

"we'd never met before,

but she's hoping to meet you in coincidence and fall in love ,

with each other when she was persuading her studies there,

that you will take care of her and love her despite her imperfections,

that you'd be the person would miss despite her family,

whom she'd hope will understand her feelings,

you'd do anything jst to see her happy,

she'd be your best listener and you'd be hers,

you'd never take her for granted,

knows how do deal with her swings,

make her laugh when everything jst seems to be wrong,

be happy with our lives and he'd have all these positive vibes,

even if he'd worry abt you or anything else,

settle down,

have a family together with happiness,

us both being sucessfull and live the life we'd used to dream of having,

take time everyday to thank Allah for His blessings ,

and our love blooms vibrantly every single day ".

this is jst so lovely.

copyrights and reserved ,

i wrote this weeks ago.

i'd jst what i love to do lately,

write and write.

x

francaise

so one of the highlights for this month is,
La francophonie .
15 french students were given a once in a life opportunity,
we were asked to act in a french theatre,
with the french students in lfkl,
the first day was da bomb,
we practiced well (as there was this comedian came to guide us)
im glad he speaks english sometimes though!,
hehe.
i met this guy named adrian ,
a french guy .
no we didn't talked.
but surprisingly,
his blue greenish eyes caught my attention at the first place,
and of course ,
he is the nicest guy there.
not to mention his voiceeee ,
i kinda remembered his line ok, till now.
it started when my friend told him (during practice) that i want to take picture with him ,
later bfr going bck,
i was soooo ashamed after that i think my face turned completely red or something.
oh yes my friend did feel some of my punches,
HAHAHA !,
when its time to get bck,
the 15  french students had to stay because the monsieur wanted to see us,
surprisingly,he waited for me.
asdfghjkl.
until his friend took him with her cause he's the only french one there,
geez,there was no luck at that time i guess.
not long after that , we got dismissed.
i was the first one to get out of the auditorium ,
hoping he'd be waiting fr me outside,
but he didn't.
well,i did get frustrated though.
all the way bck to school,
regrets . all over me,
one day after that,
was the day we had to performed in front of all the students there,
i was soo nervous !,
well despite all the hardwork.
we did well, I'm glad we did.
it was good one u know.
so i met him again
after the show,
idk why but at that time,
i think i deserve an explanation ,like why he left that day.
hehe.
but he appeared to say nothing,
but we took pictures that day,
i'll remember you.
you're jet too sweet and nice ,
with curly hair!
oh my i finally remember.
ze hair also .
i should stop ,
hope to see you again adrian !
we had  a wonderful time at lfkl,
we still talk abt it since then ,
it was the best ,
glad i participate in the first place .
x

2014

its been months since the last post,
things changed,
most of it actually well since ,
I'm sixteen and studying electives are not that easy man,
i tell u its pretty challenging srsly.
my life is not to mention as wonderful as a shining star in the moonlight,
but alhamdulillah,
throughout everything that happened in my life,
bad or good things,
there must be a reason for it,
for the people ard me that Allah had put me in,
i learn from them ,
and most importantly,
from my past ,
i'd never want to go through it ever again.
its indescribable .
to be in my shoes ,
things are getting better this year ,
i am trying my best to the limits to improve myself,
from every aspects .
academically,emotionally,mentally,
and much much  more,
i talk more now,
pushing myself to keep my studies in a consistent mode,
taking care of my relationship with our Creator,
Allah SWT, family,friends ,
 loving all these ppl around me now,
that accept me the way i am,
help me with anything that im unsure of,
guiding me when i make mistakes.
thank you Allah,
for every single thing  that had happened
keep guiding me to where i should be ,
as You know whats best .
insyaAllah,
nevertherless,
I'm looking forward to the days coming ,
may Allah ease everything .
Amin.

bali

anyone?
(give me a ticket here as my reward),
lets get going !

yesterday

hv u ever felt that when you can feel what comin,
what to expect when u're expecting?,
HAHA,
not in THAT way ,
its like when you can feel and predict whats gonna happen next,
to be honest,
i do and it has been hunting me since forever,
hv u ever felt how it was to be working ur ass off out of something,
and the opposite happens?,
yesterday .
since the first day i've lived for the past 3 months,
yesterday was the day i have been thinking of ,
am i strong enough to go through it?,
does it gonna hurt so bad?,
am i ready to face this?
is this going to be the day im gonna regret my whole life?
whats gonna happen next
i kept thinking.
no matter what happens i'll hv go through this,
we're humans,we are not angles,
we do mistakes in life and we learn from them,
mistakes.
eversince yesterday,
when the result came out,
i feel it ,
i do,
how it feels to be so guilty abt the ppl that hv been always there fr u,
but the fact that i hv set my mind the night bfr,
that i hv put my trust in Allah SWT,
i hv to accept it,
yes,
even it hurts,
even thinking of it,
hurts a lot .
i wish i could say to the ppl that i care and love ,
how i really feel abt it,
even they said its the best fr me and they are ok with it,
its not fr me,
if i'd had the apportunity to say this to them,
i'd say,
i'm sorry that the thing we're so afraid of had happened ,
i know its alright fr all of u,
it makes me feel so bad,
im sorry fr not accepting any calls ,whatsapp,texts,mentions,everything
as what im going through
is very hard fr me,
hence,
i'm blessed.
Allah .
He knows whats the best fr us,
things happen .
and this time,
i need space fr myself,
thank you family,
even i've said there's nothing to be proud of,
im still getting all the advices and supports from all of u,
fr cheering me up,
fr making me feel better,
not to mention dinner and presents,
my parents,
the moment i hold that slip ,
i know its hard fr u to see what im going through,
i can see it in ur eyes,
no matter what ppl say,
im the one going through this and fr sure,
nobody can ever understand hw it feels,
but still,
thank you very much fr the endless support ,
parents ,
family,
batchmates,
and to whom who ever know me,
i may fall once ,
but i'll stand up eight.
thank you once again,
to the ppl who hd always be with me throughout this journey,
(fr my twin,nia)
im sorry fr not replying any of ur whatsapp and everything,
i switched off my cell phone,
i need the time,
not to worry ok,
i wont hurt myself,
its jst,
i hv been doing things that i really want to do,
like eating and watching korean movies all day,
(im gaining weight pls)
i'll get bck to you soon,
jst wait till im ready.
xo

cravings

ok so,
i hv been wondering ,
is this only myself or everyone feels the same thing.
hv you ever felt like nobody understands you,
you feel it but you jst dont know how to express it,
truthfully,
this might be whatever but,
i hv been crying too much lately,
i hv a family and i love them all of my life,
i hv Allah to whom i jst let everything out ,
and prays so that He could guide me to the right way ,
i believe that He knows what and which is the best fr me,
and lately,
fr the past one month actually.
i really think i need some break,
to a place with beach and peace,
i dont know what hv happening to me,
not to mention fragile but,
i jst get touched easily maybe.
i get very sensitive and thinking what i had actually been through ,
all these 15 years of living,
i deserve one .
god is this one of those teenage emotional problems?
gosh .
this hits me so hard then.

lovelies

ohmygosh,
guess what?!,
ariana grande and nathan sykes are offically dating !,
this is jst too sweet,
i can actually see it the first time i watched their duet,
'almost is never enough',
but then,
after that i heard they were offically together,
this is jst so lovely ok,
you guys are the sweetest,
i jst love them so much !,
haha ,
stay together till the end,
much love .