yesterday

hv u ever felt that when you can feel what comin,
what to expect when u're expecting?,
HAHA,
not in THAT way ,
its like when you can feel and predict whats gonna happen next,
to be honest,
i do and it has been hunting me since forever,
hv u ever felt how it was to be working ur ass off out of something,
and the opposite happens?,
yesterday .
since the first day i've lived for the past 3 months,
yesterday was the day i have been thinking of ,
am i strong enough to go through it?,
does it gonna hurt so bad?,
am i ready to face this?
is this going to be the day im gonna regret my whole life?
whats gonna happen next
i kept thinking.
no matter what happens i'll hv go through this,
we're humans,we are not angles,
we do mistakes in life and we learn from them,
mistakes.
eversince yesterday,
when the result came out,
i feel it ,
i do,
how it feels to be so guilty abt the ppl that hv been always there fr u,
but the fact that i hv set my mind the night bfr,
that i hv put my trust in Allah SWT,
i hv to accept it,
yes,
even it hurts,
even thinking of it,
hurts a lot .
i wish i could say to the ppl that i care and love ,
how i really feel abt it,
even they said its the best fr me and they are ok with it,
its not fr me,
if i'd had the apportunity to say this to them,
i'd say,
i'm sorry that the thing we're so afraid of had happened ,
i know its alright fr all of u,
it makes me feel so bad,
im sorry fr not accepting any calls ,whatsapp,texts,mentions,everything
as what im going through
is very hard fr me,
hence,
i'm blessed.
Allah .
He knows whats the best fr us,
things happen .
and this time,
i need space fr myself,
thank you family,
even i've said there's nothing to be proud of,
im still getting all the advices and supports from all of u,
fr cheering me up,
fr making me feel better,
not to mention dinner and presents,
my parents,
the moment i hold that slip ,
i know its hard fr u to see what im going through,
i can see it in ur eyes,
no matter what ppl say,
im the one going through this and fr sure,
nobody can ever understand hw it feels,
but still,
thank you very much fr the endless support ,
parents ,
family,
batchmates,
and to whom who ever know me,
i may fall once ,
but i'll stand up eight.
thank you once again,
to the ppl who hd always be with me throughout this journey,
(fr my twin,nia)
im sorry fr not replying any of ur whatsapp and everything,
i switched off my cell phone,
i need the time,
not to worry ok,
i wont hurt myself,
its jst,
i hv been doing things that i really want to do,
like eating and watching korean movies all day,
(im gaining weight pls)
i'll get bck to you soon,
jst wait till im ready.
xo